Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Being a Step mom
Hi my name is Erin and I'm a step mom....
I don't tell people that. When I talk about my boy I'm talking about my step kids. I have never been blessed to have my own kids. a little over 2 years ago I went to a great OBGYN because things were not working right down there(really they never have) after lots of blood taking and test, come to find out that I can't have kids.....
That was a hard day for me. I always know in the back of my mind that it would never happen but that day I found out that it would never happen. Its hard to tell your husband that you can not give him children when two other woman have done it.
Its hard to tell him That we will never have a little girl with his smile and my eyes with the love of glitter and big rings or a little boy with his freckles and my butt chin with a love of baseball and being in the woods...I know God has a big plan for everything that happens in your life but the pain is always there, the wonder is always there.
After it being confirmed that I will not be able to give my husband kids I looked at my life and thought how blessed I was that God gave me two wonderful step sons. I love them like they were my own so I talk about them like they are my boys. I tell people story's of the things we do and I have picture's of all of us together. I always put the Hall family, even though we are the Halls, Scmittcka and Duhl family. But when the four of us are together we are the Halls. No one ever asks if they are my kids or why they don't look like me. So I let people think what they want to think.
I love those boys like they are my own. I have always wanted my own kids ever sense I was little and I believe that God gave me the boys in my life to fill that spot of not having my own kids.
Now I know I'm not there mom. Muff has a great mom and I'm so blessed to have such a great friendship with her and to be a big part of his life. She is so selfless to let another woman love her child the way she lets me love him and let him love me back...Thank You so much for that SD..You are a great friend and a great mother and I'm so blessed to have you.
Little Bit is different his mother is not open to me having a relationship with him.I wish that his mother and I could have a relationship but I respect her it is her son. Even thought his mother and I don't have a working relationship I still love him so much and wish the best for him...I wish that all of his hopes and dreams come true and i hope that he know how much i love him and think of him.
Being a step mom is such a wonderful thing to be and also the hardiest thing, because you love the kids like they are your own but the number one thing you have to remember is that you are NOT their mom...You are step in mom...The every other weekend(if your lucky)mom.
So what I would have to say to the world..If you are a step mom or if you are dating someone with kids and you may become a step mom
1. You have to love the kids and treat them as your own...I hate when I hear story of kids that are not treated the same because they are the step kids...My mom grow up in a house like that. She always tell me that if I don't treat the boys great she will kill me(not really kill)I know that i don't have my own and I know that the love you have for your own kids are so strong but you love the man you are with and you need to love his kids also
2. Be friends with each other....I'm not saying have BBQ's or sleepovers but let everyone be apart of the child's life. You don't have to love each other or even hangout but say hi, when you see each other. I'm so sorry that I did not do that..I have let my personal feelings get in the way a lot and I'm sorry for that
3. Work with each other to have the same rules in each house then its not well my mom lets me do this and my dad lets me do that...If everyone has the same rules life will be so much happier.
4. Be as much of a part of your step kids life as you can....If there is something going on at school try and help. If they do something out of school try and help..Let them know that you want to be apart of there lives and that you love them
God has really blessed me with two very cute kids. I love my boys so much. It has not always been easy and it has been heart breaking, but I would never pick for them not to be in my life...
I love you muff and little bit(not real names)I hope all of your dreams come true and I can't what to see what man you grow up to be
To both of the moms SD & CD I want you both to know how much I love and care about your boys. They are always at the top of my thought and I would do anything for them. I would also do anything to make sure that they are safe and I would never hurt them. Thank you for the gift of fatherhood that you gave to hubby so that I could be a mom in a way to two great kids. I love your boys so much and I hope you know that.
Till Next Time....